Afghan family from the Pashtun tribe sits together in their home in Kabul
Family in Balkh province of Afghanistan
Extended family is an important part of the family structure. Often several generations live together, in either the same house, adjoining home, or compound. When a young man marries he moves into his own adjoining home. Urban families have an average of five children, and rural couples have larger families.
Chores are divided by gender, age, and experience.
Males
Males have the most contact with people outside of the family.
Only adult males may participate in the village council, jirga or other political events.
Females
The wife of the senior male is the most influential female in the family.
Women's lives center around the household. Generally, women who work outside their home, work in education or healthcare.
Pre-school begins before the age of 7, followed by primary school.
Due to economic conditions, many children, both male and female are helping to support their families. Children for the age of six often support their families by herding animals; collecting paper, scrap metal, and firewood; shining shoes; and begging. Older children clean houses, build bricks, repair cars, or weave carpets.
According to Global Road Warrior, "The child’s bodily changes determine the age of puberty. Many traditional ways to determine the age of puberty include the practice of hitting girls with hats, called kolh zadan. A family member will hit the girl with a hat and, if she stands firm and does not fall, the family deems her mature and considers her ready for marriage. If she falls, it is an indication of her yet "minor" standing; she still needs time to grow."
Girls
Once they reach puberty, girls must cover their head with scarves and spend more time indoors. They are prohibited from attending school or going out alone without risk of dishonoring their family.
Boys
Boys begin wearing turbans at the age of seven after they undergo circumcision, The day is celebrated with a feast and acts of masculinity. Males are thought to become more responsible and learn more about the world if they spend more time outdoors.
Marriages are arranged by parents. In most cases, tradition prohibits the groom from seeing his bride until the two are engaged or married.
Dating is forbidden. A girl may not meet a boy without a chaperone. If caught meeting without a chaperone, the girl may be killed to preserve family honor.
Those that can afford cell phones use text messages to interact with the opposite sex.
Legal age for marriage is 18 for males and 16 for females, but this is often ignored with forced marriage. Marriage is arranged by the parents. Dowry plays an important part in marriage. The groom usually purchases jewelry, holds shirini khuri (pre-marriage party), purchases two wedding outfits, brings the malida (wedding dessert), and holds takht jami (where family members bring gifts and gifts are once again exchanged between the bride and the groom's families).
The wedding ceremony is call Neka. A Mullah (teachers or scholars of Islamic learning or the leaders of mosques) reads the Koran, and close family watch as the couple exchange vows.
Family and friends prepare a feast. Once the guests are served a very slow wedding song is played while the bride and groom enter the room.
Tradition believes that the first person of the wedding couple to sit on the specially prepared sofa will dominate the other. It is also said that the female who sits beside the bride will be next to marry. Once the couple is seated the Aina mosaf (mirror and Quran) takes place. The couple looks at each other in the mirror while reading selected passages from the Quran to symbolize purity. The elders of the family prepare a takhtee khina (tray of henna). The groom's father places the henna in the bride's palm and groom's palm and wraps the henna with a piece of cloth. The couple then exchanges glasses of sharbat (sweet drink) and eat malida (a dessert). The couple's special dance is called the atan.
The bride waits in the decorated car in front of her new home until her father-in-law promises to give her some property. A chicken or sheep is sacrificed as soon as she steps out of the vehicle and a bit of the animal's blood is rubbed on her shoe. She enters the home where her friends are waiting to prepare her for her wedding night.
On the third day after the wedding, takht jami, celebration takes place. The couple receives the wedding gifts and a grand feast is served in the evening.
The culture does not tolerate extramarital affairs. Men will not tolerate anyone who shows interest in any of their married female relatives. Men take control in the family to ensure the family's honor and prestige. Men can take up to four wives with court approval.
Women can apply for divorce on the grounds of her husband's impotency, non-payment of maintenance, or his insanity. Cruelty is not grounds for a divorce because the Koran acknowledges wife beating. Couples must wait three months before the divorce if finalized in hopes of reconciliation. During this time men must continue to support their wife. Women are given the same rights as men after a divorce, but because of illiteracy, many women do not know this information.
It is not socially acceptable for a widow to remarry.
Underage Marriage:
Since children are considered a gift from heaven, there is no constraint on family size. The respect a wife receives is based on the number of male children she births.
Since several family members and their families all live with or near each other, all the women work together to care for the children.
Due to economic conditions, family members of all ages work. Many young children work on the streets to support their families instead of attending school.
Work for children includes:
Men of the house choose the careers for their children.
A typical work day begins at 5 a.m., lunch at 12 p.m., dinner at 9 p.m., and the workday ends at 11 p.m.
Women lack job accessibility even for the highly trained. There is a 20% wage gap between men and women. Rug making is the only job that women can make more money at than men. Women must be chaperoned on the way to and from work.
Article - Child Labor in Afghanistan: Children Without Borders
The grandfather or senior male is the head of the household and commands the most respect. They are in charge of all of the family's finances. The grandmother or senior female supervises all household work.
All children support their parents financially.
Bodies are wrapped in shrouds. The graves in many villages look like heaps of stone. Only the wealthy erect tombstones.
Forty days after the loved one's passing, friends and family visit the grave to pray for the deceased's soul. On the one year anniversary of the passing, a ceremony takes place to mark the end of the mourning period. If traditions are not closely followed, it is feared the ghost of the dead will come back to torment the living.
